Dying Embers…

Note: This is the literary piece I’ve submitted for our English class in college.

“They say that memory is a way of holding back to the things you love and the things you never want to lose. But what if, I can’t hold back? What if, I can’t… with these forever?”

I was seven years old when I started to wonder why other children have complete families. I know it may sounds strange. I know it looks like I’m an abandoned child but may be, oh never! I have my mother, I have my…  I have her and she has me and we are so contented and happy with our simple life. But, I can’t help to wonder sometimes how it feels to have a complete family- a mother and a father in particular.

It was rainy evening of July when I ask my mother about something. It was something that I have never dared to ask her, even before. I was shivering in fear for she might scold me for being such a meddler. All I thought was right. Though, she didn’t scold me but she never said even a single word to me. She left me with a question mark. After that event, I didn’t bother to ask her about that again, never.

It was ten years ago when that happened. Ten years of keeping that query in my heart. I am already seventeen years old now and still, searching.

“ Jamie, dear, you forgot again your lunch box.”

“Oh, thanks mom. It seems like I’m getting more oblivious.”

“Don’t forget to eat your lunch, ok?

“Ok, bye!”

Mom smiled to me as if nothing odd happened between us ten years ago. That smile, prevented me further to seek the truth about my father. Months have passed and yet, I’m still mustering up the courage to ask. I am afraid not because she might scold me but I am afraid more that I might fail again. It is again July when I finally decided to ask her about it, this time fearlessly. At first, I thought she will not answer me again. But after a few seconds of silence, she breaks it and speaks.

“I didn’t expect that you would ask me that question again my dear. I thought you’ve already forget that.”

And that’s the moment she narrates to me everything about my father. She said that when I was still in her womb, my father got arrested and imprisoned for importing and selling counterfeited products. Upon hearing this, mom got worried. She said that she badly wanted to help my father but her mother, my lola, dissuaded her decision and advised her to keep this from me because it might affect our reputation and me, psychologically. From then on, mom hasn’t heard anything about my father. The only memory of my father that was left to mom is his picture and love letters. When I asked if she still loves my father, mom surprisingly said yes.

That night, I’m already decided to find my father as soon as possible.

The following morning, I went to the jail’s address that mom has given to me. There, I asked for a person whose name is Ronald A. Smith. The jail guard said to me that the person I was looking for was already had his parole last year. I was disappointed to know this but at the same time I was happy to know that my father is not a prison anymore.

Weeks have passed, I have searched all possible places mom think he could be at and yet, I can’t still find him. Little by little, like a dying embers I was becoming impatient and hopeless.

Until one day, there’s someone knocking on the door. I was a bit hesitant to open it at first because I didn’t know who it was. But, when I look to the door knob hole, there’s a man standing and he looks very familiar to me. That’s when I realized that he is my father so I decided to finally open the door.  He asks me if the address he has come up with is correct and if I knew someone whose name is Carmine B. Smith. I said to him that she is my mother.

The man standing in front of me suddenly hugged me so tight. He was sobbing in tears. I can really feel his longing. I felt like I was a child who finally found my family- my complete family.  While we were both in state of surprise and incomparable happiness, mom arrived, with no hesitation, she hugged us.

That’s the moment I’ve been waiting and dreaming for. My dream of becoming complete has already granted. Years of happiness with mom and dad have passed. That’s when I thought that all things will go smooth the way I expect it to be. But, not…

“ Jamie, dear, you forgot again your lunch box.”

“Oh, thanks mom. It seems like I’m getting more oblivious.”

“Don’t forget to eat your lunch, ok?

“Ok, bye!”

I’m already seventeen no, twenty-one years old? How old am I? Well, it’s been 4 years since I was living a happy life with my parents. Yes, I have parents…uh,uh…no! I only have my mom. Arghh…I’m confused. From the time you were reading this, someone told me that I have been diagnosed with Al, Al,Alzh…with an eraser like in my head, that’s what I used to call it. This, according to him will make my brain smaller and smaller and I’ll become more and more oblivion until I already forgot all the memories I have and even doing usual things and etcetera. This has no possible cure yet and the worst is… it may cause my death.

I know it will be hard for my parents to accept this and it will be also so much harder for me to deal with this.Though my memories will be like dying embers that little by little, slowly vanish, everything that has happened to me, good and bad memories are like ashes that will remain in my heart… forever.

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